Ten Things I Know About Bellevue Hospital That Will Never Come in Handy Again

1. The closets that are always open across from the chemistry lab have signs that say "THESE DOORS MUST NOT BE LEFT OPEN."

2. Cocaine for sale!

3. There is only so much Valium in the hospital, and in a night with a lot of alcohol withdrawers, Bellevue just might run out. Then - the apocalypse. Or some other benzodiazepine, whatever.

4. What happens on the eighteenth floor, stays on the eighteenth floor.

5. During my intern year I got sick of people mistaking Bellevue, New York's oldest public hospital, for a psychiatric institution. Now I know the truth: Bellevue is a psychiatric institution which just happens to have a lot of medical beds too.

6. Sure you don't need to call an inpatient dermatology consult very often, but when you do, are they ever wrong?

7. No, the patient doesn't speak (Spanish, Chinese) - they're just (Filipino, Indonesian).

8. [insulting comment about a subspecialty or particular nursing station]

9. Sure you put the order in. You have to call too.

10. Now call again.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous11:32 AM

    The one thing Iearned during my year long volunteer stint in the '80 was that medicine was definitely not for me, I couldn't stand sick people, even though is was a great experience. Favorite experience, the visits to the prison ward... soooo cool.