Ten Things I Know About Bellevue Hospital That Will Never Come in Handy Again

1. The closets that are always open across from the chemistry lab have signs that say "THESE DOORS MUST NOT BE LEFT OPEN."

2. Cocaine for sale!

3. There is only so much Valium in the hospital, and in a night with a lot of alcohol withdrawers, Bellevue just might run out. Then - the apocalypse. Or some other benzodiazepine, whatever.

4. What happens on the eighteenth floor, stays on the eighteenth floor.

5. During my intern year I got sick of people mistaking Bellevue, New York's oldest public hospital, for a psychiatric institution. Now I know the truth: Bellevue is a psychiatric institution which just happens to have a lot of medical beds too.

6. Sure you don't need to call an inpatient dermatology consult very often, but when you do, are they ever wrong?

7. No, the patient doesn't speak (Spanish, Chinese) - they're just (Filipino, Indonesian).

8. [insulting comment about a subspecialty or particular nursing station]

9. Sure you put the order in. You have to call too.

10. Now call again.

Evidence-Based Lobbying

Leaders of the medical-industrial complex wonder if the Dartmouth research findings might be a touch overblown. I dunno - maybe. But don't we doctors do a lot else based on much less evidence? What fraction of hallowed medical practice is based on no more than class IIb recommendations?

Heck, I'm ready for New York to get less medical money. I don't think the kinds of places I'd rather practice are the ones that are overspending.